personal sketch

It is hard to distill my entire life into a few short paragraphs. I have never reflected on my personal experiences and landed upon the conclusion that I am one specific thing. I would identify myself as a Latter-day Saint above all others, but there are so many facets of my personality and so many experiences that I have gone through that add some pages to my diary, I could categorize myself as an actress or a student but those are not unique qualities either. What sets me apart from other others is how I define myself. I do not define myself by the trials I have overcome or the events I have experienced but rather what I want to become.

I want to be a mother. I want the same life that my mother leads. I want to drive my children to ballet, soccer, piano lessons, and to the pool. I want to be PTA president at the elementary school and make costumes for them for Halloween. I want to wake up every morning to my children calling my name and cartoons on TV. Being a mother is the most fulfilling thing I can do. To see the love in my children’s eyes, and the curiosity they have in everything. I want to sit on the grass outside of our home as the sun sets in the first days of the humid, southern summer, and have them run up to me and show me the fireflies they have captured. I want to watch that wonderment grow and evolve into intelligence. I want to watch as they grow into teenagers and laugh at their attitudes, and then from teenagers to adults with families of their own. I want to face the challenges of being a mother; I look forward to every aspect of having children, even the unglamorous things; changing diapers, the teenage-angst, the worry about where they are headed in life. I look forward to it all.

After my role as a mother has been complete I want to live a quiet life with my husband. Sitting in a wooden porch swing watching the fireflies that my children were so excited to chase, all the while holding his hand. When I die I want people to say that I led a good life and to say that I stood for something and held fast to my beliefs. I want to people to be able to celebrate my life when I pass away. I want to leave behind a legacy of quiet gentleness, laughter, and service. I want my passing to be an opportunity for family and friends to get together and to laugh and reminisce over potato salad and fried chicken; I do not want it to be a time of mourning. The quiet, shady, warm plot of dirt will be a symbol of who I am, not who I was.

Another way I define myself is by my goals. One major life goal to touch someone’s life by my actions and by the way I live. I have never had a strong desire to save the world. I have never had the inclination that I was destined to be of any importance to great masses of people. The life I would like to lead is one like my mother’s life, she helps in any way she can and loves to be involved. She quietly steps in and offers her talents and makes a difference in peoples’ lives. I would like to have that same quiet power. I want to influence someone to make the right decision, whether it be my children or some acquaintance. I want to be the example for somebody, I want to be the one someone can lean on it times of trial.

The things that have made who I am today are actually those events in the future. I am living my life the way I am now so I will be prepared for what I will become. I could identify myself by my hobbies that I am involved with now, but those enjoyments are not cemented down, they will fade as new delightful things take place, as more lasting things mold me into my final character.